As I stated in my previous blog, my bracket was next to last in the pool. :p After the Final Four match-ups tonight, any second chance I might have had ended with the loss by West Virginia. As I had hoped, Butler is going to the Championship Game. I will most likely pull for them since they are, undoubtedly, the underdog. Did I mention that Underdog was one of my ALL time favorite cartoons as a kid? So there isn't any discrepancy with my pulling for the underdog team, and as I stated earlier, it's most likely due to the fact that we gals just love Cinderella stories!
I don't know that I will be able to watch or tune in to the Championship game on Tuesday. Needless to say, I'm disappointed that my bracket was such an epic failure! Don’t judge me too harshly. Remember that I’ve only attended ONE basketball game in my life! On the flipside of that disappointment, I can attest to the fact that I learned a lot about basketball that I never knew before. Things some of you sports authority types take for granted:
• what a shot clock is and why it’s used
• what second chance points are
• what constitutes a 2 pt fg and a 3 pt fg
• what the ‘key’ is
• what the ‘paint’ is
• what rebound percentages are
• what a ‘foul-out’ is
• that there are 2 periods in a game
Those are the legit things that I learned about college basketball as I watched and listened, with the help of Jimmy and his expertise, throughout the last three weeks. :)
Then there are the random conclusions that I have come to as a result of my observation of, and participation in a college basketball bracket pool and the ensuing NCAA Tournament:
• March Madness is contagious
• college basketball is as predictable as a woman’s moods
• predicting one team to win it all is an egregious error
• all college basketball coaches must be on high-blood pressure and hyper-tension meds (if they weren’t they wouldn’t survive without their heads exploding...jmo, but I think I saw a few who had their heads duct taped to prevent such from happening)
• No matter what their ranking, each team is to be commended for enduring such a grueling tournament schedule. I wonder what would happen if we were to apply the same standards to college football. Ponder that thought.
And finally, the one thing that I absolutely do not understand, and have YET to find the answer to:
• why are they called “seeds?” Personally, I think the moniker is ridiculous, but that’s just me.
As Jimmy would say, “There you have it!” I’m looking forward to next year! :) There's no guarantee that, even with my new-found knowledge, I’ll be able to pick a better bracket. One can only hope!
"Sweet Sixteen, all dressed up, and nowhere to go!" Though I can't be certain, that is exactly how I imagine Syracuse felt after the Sweet Sixteen round was over. Who could have expected that both Kansas and Syracuse would fail to make it to the Elite Eight? Not me, for one! The losses by those two teams pretty much ruined my ONE bracket! In fact, I was told today that I'm in "next to last place." :-/ On the flip side, Kentucky, Baylor, and West Virginia all advanced to the Elite Eight, so I guess that was my consolation prize for completeing a bracket and entering it into the pool competition.
After all the bruhaha, stress, and disappointments, I can say, "Eight is Enough!" West Virginia (on my Rivals bracket) was the ONLY team on any of my brackets that made it past the Elite Eight into the Final Four! :( The loss by Baylor really ended it for me on my ONE bracket! In my Rivals/Yahoo pool I'm 38/60, and in my ESPN pool, I have 660 pts (?) with an 82.6%. Obviously, at this point there isn't any way that I will win any of the pools. I'm thoroughly peeved, to put it mildly. I'm honestly debating whether or not I will see this thru and watch the championship game! Decisions, decisions! What's a girl to do? However, for such a novice as myself, I think I've made a valiant effort to learn about the sport of basketball.
In conclusion, the clock is fast approaching the stroke of midnight. As I watch the dance before me, I can't help but wonder which team will be dancing in celebration when the clock strikes twelve. I will update this blog after the Championship Game. It is so unpredictable, at this juncture, to even say "WHO" will win the tournament. In my naivete female psyche, I'm hoping *cross fingers* that Butler or Michigan State will come out on tops, primarily because they are both 5 seeds, whereas WV is a number 2 seed, and Duke is a number 1 seed. I'm forever cheering for the underdog!
I don't know about anyone else, but after Round 2, I feel like the Prom Queen who tripped over her dress and fell flat on her face. I've picked myself up, but my dress is torn and tattered, my glamorous up-do is straggling down around my face, and my corsage? My corsage is beyond repair, yet I can still smell the fragrance from the flowers....a faint reminder of the promise and potential the dance had to offer. I imagine that scenario is somewhat similar to how Kansas must have felt at the end of their game against Northern Iowa. :(
Personally, I think all of the prognosticators and “talking heads” do a disservice to all of the other teams when everyone singles out one team to win it all. Yes, I'm disappointed that Kansas lost...but only because it totally screwed up my ONE bracket. Other than that, I didn't have a personal interest in any of these games. I found myself pulling for the underdog, St. Mary's Gaels, rather than Villanova, even though I had picked Villanova on my bracket. Typical female I suppose, since we girls just ♥love♥ Cinderella stories...we're brainwashed with it from the time we're little, and that's just how we roll. It's a fact of life. It was the same with Missouri and West Virginia. On my bracket I picked WVa over Missouri. I had been told, repeatedly, that West Virginia has a really good team, but.....I’ve been told that before.
One autumn day in particular stands out in my memory. On September 19, 2009, I stood in the Deluge of the Century at Jordan-Hare stadium and watched the underdog Auburn Tigers womp the WVa Mountaineers 41-30...so maybe, just maybe, that’s why I found myself pulling for the Mizzou Tigers! Random thought about that rainy game at Jordan-Hare: I noticed a West Virginia fan all decked out in his yellow and blue Argyle pants (I lie not), standing in the rain with a lovely orange poncho emblazoned with a huge, blue AU on the front and back, and I thought to myself, “I bet that sux!”
The loss by Kansas really ruined my ONE bracket! I have 32 of 64 games, if I have it figured correctly. I have 40 of 64 pts on the Rivals/Yahoo bracket, with a group total of 31 of 48 pts. On my ESPN bracket I have 430 points for a 92.9% simply because I eliminated Kansas earlier in the bracket. In the College Hoops Pick’em, I missed day one because I didn’t click “submit” after making the picks, so I had a whopping total of zero on day one....I’m new at this, so geez, it takes me awhile to navigate these sports pages. Since then I have accumulated a grand total of 22 points, which is 56.7% and is one more than the average of 21, or 50%,...so at least I’m “above average!” :) It remains to be seen whether any of the remaining teams I picked will end up in the Elite Eight. It's looking good for Kentucky and Tennessee *cross fingers* and yes, I'll admit, I'm pulling for my SEC teams like no other! I'll keep you posted!
The first song of The Big Dance has ended, and Round 1 has come to a close. One thing I can say for sure is that polls and opinions don't mean anything when it comes to a team with an unquenchable desire to win and a heart that just won't give up. Murray State? Wow! Can I admit to squealing with delight and jumping up and down when they won? I was just amazed that, for one....yeah, I had picked them, but even more so....that they actually won!!! And in such dramatic fashion too! Any girl would be proud of that drama-inducing game! Murray State forward Danero Thomas scored the game-winning shot over Vanderbilt guard Lance Goulbourne (#5) as the buzzer sounded! Murray State defeated Vanderbilt 66-65.
I also picked BYU. "Why?," you may ask? I'd like to say that I picked them because of "Jimmer time," but that'd be a little too ditzy even for me, considering that I looked at their team stats and compared PPG, FG%, FT%, rebound margins, TO's, foul %, to the team they were playing. Honestly, until yesterday I'd never heard of "Jimmer time!" :) The big upsets to MY bracket were the losses of: Georgetown, Temple, Marquette, and Richmond. Bummer! :(
As for my bracket after round one: in Rivals I'm 22 of 32, and in the ONE pool I'm 23 of 32...weird, but I've looked this bracket over with a fine-tooth comb and that's what I come up with every time. On my ESPN pool I have 250 pts of 320 for the 1st round...whatever that means...96.6%. :~ Not too bad, considering my general lack of knowledge about this sport, the teams involved, and which conference is the strongest, which translates into "who has the toughest schedule" sort of thing, in what I call "man-speak" anyway.
I'll update again after Round Two. Wish me luck! :)
When my significant other, Jimmy, called me and suggested I complete a bracket and submit it to a pool he was in, I experienced a rare sense of deja vu, since we'd had this same conversation a couple of years ago when I had my first taste of March Madness.
To my credit, in the 4 years since that first bracket, I have actually attended a basketball game. I didn't even attend a basketball game in high school. Yeah, weird, but true. My first ever college basketball game was the last game the Auburn Tigers played at Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum on March 3, 2010. I probably would not have gone to that game had it not been for my uncle, Wallace Tinker. You see, my uncle, was on the Auburn Tigers team that played the first game at BEMC on January 11, 1969, when Auburn defeated LSU and Pistol Pete Maravich, 90-71. Uncle Wallace (#33) was the first to score points at BEMC, a 7-ft jumper from the right baseline. March 3rd being the last game the Tigers would ever play at BEMC, my uncle was there, with many of his original team mates, to score the final points at BEMC. It was a family thing. My uncle Wallace is my mother's baby brother. I had to go.
To my honest surprise, I enjoyed my first roundball game. True, I didn't know a lot about how the game was played, what was happening, or why the last minute of the game was equivalent to 15 minutes in real life. I enjoyed the "up close and personal" aspect of the game...seeing the players faces...Aubie waving his fingers in front of my face. In a wonderful end to an awesome era in Auburn history, Auburn won the last game at Beard-Eaves over Mississippi State 89-80! Following the game, as my uncle stepped onto the court, I found myself thinking "this is a walk to remember!" As Uncle Wallace stepped up to the exact spot where he'd scored the first points 42 years ago, I had goosebumps up and down my arms and tears in my eyes. I was so proud when Uncle Wallace nailed it, scoring the final points, on the first shot! Amazing!
So, when asked this year to complete a bracket, I didn't have much time to research the teams, etc. I think I spent about 6 hours poring over stats, W-L records, FT %, rebound margins, speed vs size...until about midnight. Seriously! I didn't want to be the ditzy brunette. I had to fax my bracket to Sean, Jimmy's brofriend, the next morning so it was a last minute cram session reminiscent of final exams in college. ;-/
Every girl loves to dance. I suppose I'm no exception to the rule, and now I find myself enjoying "the Big Dance" and, yes, I'll even admit it.....I'm afflicted with March Madness. What else could make me watch basketball? I guess it's a good thing that this week has been Spring Break. To be honest, for Spring Break it's been a sucky one here...drizzly, rainy, cloudy....you get the picture? If it were otherwise I doubt I'd have succumbed to this yearly insanity that so many are afflicted with. I never understood it until now.
How am I doing in my bracket? I filled out several on ESPN, one on the Rivals Yahoo page, and the ONE that I faxed to join the pool Jimmy invited me to join. At the time of this blog, in the ONE pool I've correctly picked 11 of 16 games, which I guess is ok; I'm still not exactly sure how these pools work...point wise. No problem. I did this, #1 because Jimmy asked me to, #2 it's challenging me to learn about something new, and #3 just for the fun of it! It's gratifying that I picked Old Dominion and Murray State, both upsets.....but it's just as disappointing that I also picked Georgetown and Marquette, which both lost. :(
I'll update this after each Round is completed. Maybe some of you basketball know-it-alls can give me tips for next year! X-D
Last night I attended the final Auburn basketball game at Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum. For me it was significant for very personal reasons. Admittedly it was the first EVER basketball game I’ve ever attended...I never even went to a basketball game in high school. So in a moment of nostalgia, my first and last basketball games at BEMC occurred on the same night. Sad, but true. I have many fond memories which took place at BEMC, but none which included basketball, which is truly weird when you consider the family history that has taken place at that venue. BEMC is where I’ve attended AU’s fan day; it’s where I had my picture taken with Bo Jackson’s Heisman trophy, and it’s also where I first saw the band, Switchfoot, in concert. All are happy memories that I treasure.
However, those memories pale in comparison to last night at Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum. You see, last night was special and this is where family history comes into play. On January 11, 1969, the LSU Tigers and “Pistol” Pete Maravich came to the Plains to play the first game ever played at BEMC. My uncle, Wallace Tinker (#33), as a Senior Forward on the team, scored the first basket in BEMC history with a 7 ft. jumper from the right baseline. Although Pistol Pete went on to score a whopping 46 pts, the most ever scored by an opponent in BEMC history, the Auburn Tigers defeated LSU 90-71. It is fitting that the Tigers ended their 42 years at BEMC with an 89-80 victory over MississippiState. War Eagle!!!
After the game, as I watched my uncle walk onto the court I was thinking to myself, “this is A Walk to Remember!” I stood with my son, Jacob, and my cousins and watched with anticipation this moment in Auburn history. My uncle stood in the same spot from which he’d scored the first points at Beard-Eaves, and nailed the basket on the first throw to score the final points of the final season. Thus ended the 42 year history of Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum. I was teary-eyed I have to admit. Jacob, who is 12, looked up at me with pride in his eyes and said, “Mom, I guess this means I have basketball in my blood.” I just chuckled and hugged him and told him that he did, indeed, have a family legacy of basketball...and not just ANY basketball, but Auburn basketball! We stayed for the net cutting, autographs, and pictures “under” the picture of Uncle Wallace that hangs on the Coliseum walls. My other uncle, Billy Tinker, also played for Auburn, but was not in attendance last night.
Uncle Wallace shooting the final points at Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum, Auburn, AL
It was a glorious ending to Auburn’s 42 year history at Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum. May the Auburn traditions of excellence, sportsmanship, and “family” continue at the new Auburn Arena next year.
A few days ago, I was sweeping out my carport. Since my house faces north, the wind is continually blowing the large leaves from the Sycamore tree onto the patio where my front door is, and into the carport. While I was sweeping I kept hearing this unusual bird song. One I was quite unfamiliar with. I hear Mockingbirds, Robins, Jays, Sparrows, but this one was unusual. I stopped and stood very still trying to pinpoint the location of this bird. Finally I see it, up high in the Oak tree that is in my front yard. The first thing I see is that it’s a bright green bird; Chartreuse is how I would describe it. It’s also a very tiny bird, but it’s making this wonderful trilling song. I stand and listen, enjoying every moment. I didn’t realize that my joy would soon turn to grief. But life’s like that, isn’t it? One moment all is well, and in the next instant the poodoo (Star Wars slang for sh** according to Jar-Jar Binks) hits the fan!
I finish sweeping then go inside and I begin cleaning out my cupboards. My oatmeal is musty smelling so I go out and scatter it around hoping the birds will eat it. Sure enough, the little green bird hops down on the ground to scratch around in the Sycamore leaves. I notice Sharon.....she’s like a midget in feline form...solid gray; not really a problem cat. She’s just a cat. I see her watching the little bird so I scoop her up and tell her “no, no!” and clap my hands to make the bird go back up into the trees before I put Sharon down.
Well, I’m sure by now you know where this is going. The next time I see Sharon she has the little green bird clenched in feline jaws. I begin chasing this cat around the house. Three times I chased her. I threw stuff, and got the broom after her, all to no avail. I couldn’t save the bird, though I tried. I thought if I could just get the bird away from the cat, it might still have a chance, but I couldn’t ever catch the cat. She eventually ran down into the wood behind the house until I couldn’t see her any longer.
Afterwards, I sat on the back porch steps and bawled my eyes out over the little bird that I couldn't save. It had given me so much pleasure and joy with it's song, I still don’t have any idea what kind of bird it was. I’ve been reading field manuals and looking online, but haven’t seen one JUST exactly like it. It may be an Orange-crowned Warbler or Golden-crowned Kinglet. I feel sure it was the male of the pair since he was so brightly colored. I was both saddened by the loss of this unique bird and angry at Sharon because she had taken away something that had given me joy: a bird with its beautiful song.
This week has been difficult. I lost something that was precious to me (not the ring from Mordor) ...but trust; and I don’t know how to restore it; I don’t even know if such a thing is possible. Sometimes things that are broken should remain that way....a testament to the fact that things happen beyond our control, for whatever reason, to be used as lessons we learn along the way. Me? I feel like I’ve been chewed up, spit out, and run through a meat grinder. I’ve always believed that if I lose, or fail, don’t lose the lesson; make it count for something. I’ve always believed that God puts people in my life for a reason. Not only that, but He doesn’t give me people I “want,” rather, He gives me people I “need;” whether to help them or help me, I don’t know...perhaps both.
I’ve always believed in the redemptive power of love. I attended “Beauty and the Beast” ballet this past weekend, and I enjoyed it.....but does love really have the power to transform a beast into a man as fairytales would have us believe? Sure, God changed a man into an ass, but can love change an ass into a man worthy of such love? I’ve always believed it possible, but I’ve never witnessed it myself. My love sure wasn’t of any redemptive benefit to my ex-husband. He never changed; hasn’t yet and it remains doubtful that he ever will.
Reconciliation 1.0
~If I owe someone amends it is my responsibility to give it; I cannot make someone forgive me. Whether they accept my apology is their choice, and theirs alone, to make. I can’t force them to accept it.
~Just as I can’t force someone to forgive me, neither can I make someone apologise. If I feel I have been wronged it is my responsibility to relay that umbrage to them truthfully, yet without the expectation that they’ll apologise. As with forgiveness, that’s their choice. Regardless of whether or not a person ever apologises, it is my responsibility to forgive them.
~I choose to live my amends one day at a time as I want my living amends to produce a change in behavior over time. This isn’t a one-time process nor a one-size-fits all. I struggle with forgiveness for my ex-husband. It is hard to forgive someone who physically and emotionally abused me for so many years in so many ways that sometimes I have to pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming. Time has a way of making the images blurry around the edges. But I lived it. I know I did and it was reality for far too long. Forgiveness for him is not even a daily thing...it’s more of an “every time I think of you, I ask God to help me forgive you” kind of thing. Of myself, I can’t do it. I still haven’t reached a place where I can pray for him.
~Making amends is a process of humility. For me, it’s quite often painful, especially if I feel that I’ve hurt someone whom I love. It is usually something I don’t want to do, yet I feel the need to do it. Even if I am not, technically, the one at fault, I’m usually still sorry that things happened as they did, when they did, etc. It’s scary as hell to expose all of my emotions, feelings, and thoughts to someone else and know that rejection is a possible outcome.
~Sometimes I may feel the need to make amends but the other person doesn’t see it that way. Either they weren’t hurt or offended and just think it’s ridiculous. It’s important to realise that I must also forgive myself. Some self-amends are forgiving myself for choices I’ve made in the past that led to the biggest mistakes in my life. I have to forgive myself for those mistakes and stop with the guilt trip. That gets me nowhere fast, except maybe in the black sinkhole of depression.
To end on a happy note, yesterday I saw another little green bird on the peach tree next to my house. I’m thankful for the small blessings each day...they give me hope that there is a path through pain and a light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can’t see it yet.
“Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Hope for tomorrow.”
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE. THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOU T
SAYING ANYTHING, HE
WROTE IN THE SAND ...
“TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.” THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH.
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT HIS FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
“TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.” THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'
TO WHICH THE FRIEND REPLIED: “WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.”
“BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT.”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND TO CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE!
THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON... AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM... A DAYTO LOVE THEM... AND AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM! TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!
DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.
A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect.There was not a mark or a flaw in it.
Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen.
The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart
It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges.
In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.
The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed.
"You must be joking," he said."Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you.
You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.
Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting; the room in my heart reserved especially for them.
So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out.
He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.
The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart.
It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.
They embraced and walked away side by side.
"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life....."
~Author Unknown~
~Love is Only In the Eyes of Those Who Choose It~
~If you're looking for love, you will never find it.~
~Love finds us, unexpectedly and in the most unlikely places.~
~Only those who recognize it, and open themselves to it, ever find it.~
Global Warming is on a Rampage through the Belt Buckle of the Deep South. I has snow!!!! 4 inches and counting! *blank stare* and, according to Glenn Beck, apparently Al Gore is MIA....I'm truly not surprised! Perhaps he's holed up in that igloo Senator So-and-So built for him after the last Snowmeggedon!!! Snowman, anyone?
As a parent I watch my children grow and rejoice at the many milestones achieved in the pursuit of “growing up.” When my children were young I always felt like there were four major milestones they had to achieve and then it would be smooth sailing from then on: weaning from breastfeeding, potty training, learning to tie their shoes, and learning to ride a bicycle. For most of my parenting years I’ve stuck by that mantra and celebrated when I no longer needed breast pumps, diaper bags, velcro tab tennis shoes, and strollers to get from point A to point B.
Then the unthinkable happened! They became teenagers and the milestones changed dramatically! All at once I was entering into the Twilight Zone of Teenagers. When kids enter into the chrysalis of the teenage years, life becomes Aliens vs. Monsters. Children are like alien beings from another planet and I became a Monster with unreasonable demands on how they spend their time, who they spend that time with, how they spend their money, etc., etc., ad nauseam.
The metamorphosis from child into adult lasts for more years than that of toddler to teenager. I was told by a counselor for my children that a teenager’s brain doesn’t reach full maturity, with adult inductive and deductive reasoning ability (common sense in my humble opinion) until they reach the grand old age of 25. So the journey from teen to adult is a 12 year process, whereas the journey from child to teen is half that amount of time.
Believe me when I tell you that the milestones of parenting a teenager into adulthood far and away surpass any milestone from birth to teenager! The milestones during this time either become stepping stones or stumbling blocks with many being life-threatening. I’ll classify the milestones of parenting a teenager into the following: learning to drive a car, the art of dating, getting a job, and balancing a checkbook.
This period of time is the only time you actually risk life and limb teaching someone without an adult brain to drive a potentially lethal weapon. The process is terrifying! I do not recommend this to those weak of heart or without strength of mind and nerves of steel. It’s grueling!
The next parental milestone is that of the first girlfriend/boyfriend, wrapped and tied with the bow of subsequent teenage drama that ensues and rules life while hormones rage. As a parent I hop on this wild ride and battle this beast, reins firmly in hand, yelling “Whoa!” at the top of my lungs. Sometimes they actually listen.
When kids get their first job, watch out! They become empowered, or so they think. More importantly, so THEY think YOU should think! They are SOMEBODY then, with their own click of friends and inner circle and sanctum that, as a parent, I’m no longer part of. For the most part I just go with the flow until I see warning signs of danger on the horizon and realize that bad company, does indeed, corrupt good morals. You can pretty much write this in stone, as God did when he gave the tablets to Moses: it doesn’t matter how you raise your kids, when they turn 18 they are going to do what they choose to do. As a parent I hope and pray they live through the metamorphosis and emerge as productive adults on the other side. Aunt Janie always said that teenagers needed to be put on ice until they reach adulthood. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. Furthermore, Aunt Janie’s dad, David Barrentine, an old Baptist preacher, once told me when I was expecting Jericho, that, “Children are born to break our hearts.” How prophetically true that turned out to be! Who’d a thunk it?
Balancing a checkbook and subsequently paying bills on time is the last milestone. I may revise this at a later date, but these are the four major parental milestones that I’ve had to deal with thus far. Balancing a checkbook goes hand-in-hand with the previous milestone of getting a job. Enter now the word RESPONSIBILITY into the vocabulary of a creature who has here-to-fore never been responsible for anything other than homework, brushing teeth twice a day, playing the next Xbox 360 game, and keeping up with their many social networks such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or viral video on YouTube.
Oh! The growing pains! Balancing a checkbook and being fiscally responsible is by far the worst of these parental milestones, and perhaps the most costly as a parent. To cultivate a good work ethic in ones progeny is the least worrisome. It is after they learn that they now have their OWN money that it becomes a full-fledged migraine! First, get a job. Second, get a car. To have a car you MUST pay for the insurance on said means of transportation. In order to pay your bills on time, you MUST have a checking account. Especially if your employer insists on direct depositing your paycheck. Sounds easy, right??? Wrong! Nothing could possibly be further from the truth!
Case in point: prospective adult, i.e. oldest egg hatched, works two jobs. Her only financial responsibilities are paying for her car insurance, her gas to and from work, and her own personal clothing, shoes, toiletries, etc. She gets overdrawn at her financial institution. She knows it; I know it. I tell her not to use her debit card until her next paycheck is deposited and we can check to make sure that it covers the overdraft. Fat chance of that happening! Oh, don’t get me wrong, her check was deposited into the account, but she hadn’t worked as many hours as the previous two weeks and even with her check, it still left her overdrawn $18.
So here I am, “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing,” to coin a Jack Johnson song, and I begin reading her tweets for the day: “Pride smashin on some burrito goodness and sweet tea @ Cuco’s, @ the mall shopping...nothing better than sweet hang time with matching Venia hoodies, Hot Topic has Charlie the Unicorn fragrance now, on my way to CEC event. This is gonna rule! That doughnut was amazing!”....etc. You get the picture?
The scoop: her check went into the bank and she goes on a shopping spree, eating out, and hanging with friends at a concert that night. Account still overdrawn, and she accumulates another $91 in expenditures that will further overdraw the account.
The result: I go ballistic! Tell her to STOP IMMEDIATELY!!! It’s costing more money for her to work than if she were just a mooch staying at home! After the debit card transactions post to her account, along with the subsequent overdraft fees, she’ll be overdrawn $400 before her next paycheck in two weeks! As a parent, I hate this for her. Truly, it’s depressing when you think about it. Sure, I could front her $100 to cover her purchases, but is that teaching her to be fiscally responsible in her own right? I offered to do it on the stipulation that she repay me when she gets paid from job #2 and also on the condition that she restrain her activities and spending for the next two weeks: that she would not GO ANYWHERE other than to work and back. Ergo, no movies, concerts, dining out, or hang time with friends at Starbucks, and absolutely anything NOT related to a church locally: no Bible studies, Korean church, or anything else she drives 45 minutes one way to get to.
Her reply: “Don’t like. Don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
So what is a parent to do? I gave her a time frame in which she could accept my proposal and agree to the conditions, and she has ignored it completely. Do I just assume that “no answer is your answer” and let her deal with the consequences, or do I bail her out this one time only?
The agonizing conundrum of parenthood: do I allow her to face the consequences of her actions knowing how this is going to hurt her banking and credit report, or do I step in and help her even when she has blatantly refused to agree to curtail her activities for the next two weeks? It is enough to make me want to pull my hair out by the roots! Sometimes the school of hard knocks is what it takes to knock sense into the senselessness of irresponsibility. I’ve always been an advocate of “suffering the consequences” and the principle of “reaping and sowing” and allowing life to teach you that life’s not fair; it’s hard, and you have to be as hard as nails to live through it. I agree with John Wayne, who said, “Life’s tough; but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.”
I'm basically a nerd. My license plate says so. I live by the oxymoron, "Make Haste Slowly," and have a firm belief in "What you don't know will hurt you...but not until you know what it is." Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is ignorance, often painful and sometimes lethal in large doses.
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