Hope: The Path Through Suffering

This post came about as a result of  "it's too long for a status update" so Blog it instead.

...so, yesterday at church my Pastor referenced correspondence with someone who feels utter hopelessness and, I don't know why, but it's weighing on my mind. I guess it's because I too often forget that there are people like that. I've been in dark places in my own life, but I have always had hope that (as Miss Evelyn used to tell me, repeatedly) "this too shall pass" and that trials, awful circumstances, and even grief do not last forever. Joy comes in the morning! It may not BE THIS morning OR tomorrow morning, but it will come eventually. 

I understand grief, believe me. Yet even in the midst of it, I've never felt the hopelessness of death. The futility of it, the questioning, the anger, the separation, the sadness....yes. The bouts of spontaneous tears at a thought or memory....uncontrollable weeping at the most awkward of moments regardless of where they happen, be it the grocery store, standing in Walmart, or just driving down the road.  I'm rocking the Alice-Cooper-Runny-Mascara look so much that I've become accustomed to it.  But I've never experienced the hopelessness.  Nothing even remotely similar to that which was expressed by Richard in his email.  I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and have a good cry....tell him I know EXACTLY how he feels about losing someone he loved....to remember that weeping is a language that only God can decipher and tears speak words that only He can interpret.....that even now, in the midst of great sorrow, God is here with us, near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), numbering our wanderings, collecting our tears in a bottle and recording them in His Book (Psalm 56:8 NKJV).  Can he just imagine that there is Someone who loves him with a love so AMAZING that He wipes your tears even after you left Him dying on a cross for your sins? As Gideon Harris said, "No matter how bitter your life can be remember it's not as bitter as dying on the cross for someone undeserving."

As so many times before, I wonder how people get through that darkness without Jesus? He has been the only thing holding me together since my Mama died. I'd have willingly lost my mind completely....embraced it, actually, just to be rid of the pain of it all.  The weeping. The part of me that feels empty and void.  That room in my heart left vacant.  The desire just to talk to her, hear her voice, ask her questions, seek her advice.  To share with her the everyday happenings of my life. And a thousand other things that I wish I had said, and the guilt of not having said them when I had the opportunity to do so.  I can only say that I said the important things that really mattered in our long discussions about Jesus.....trusting HIM to keep his promise that His Word would not return void and that it took root and bore fruit in my mama's heart.  Still, the way that my mama looked at us and held our hands in those final hours haunts me, day and night.  And I cry every time I think of it.  It was almost like we were the tether that was keeping her here on this earth....as if by her watching us and holding our hands, we could keep her spirit from leaving her body.  If it had been within my will and power it would have been so, but not if it meant my mama would have to continue living in pain and suffering.

There is a path through suffering and it is one we all must take. A rite of passage, as it were. And there is only One who has walked it before us, who has experienced the darkness and knows the agony. Who better to guide me as I now journey this darksome road? As I write this, I'm reminded of just how much music ministers to my soul, and there are a couple of songs that came to mind. 

First, is the song "Mountain of God" by Third Day:

Thought that I was all alone

Broken and afraid.

But You were there with me. 

Yes, You were there with me.

And I didn't even know that I had lost my way, 

But You were there with me. 

Yes, You were there with me.

'Til You opened up my eyes I never knew 

That I couldn't ever make it without You.

Even though the journey's long,

And I know the road is hard.

Well, the One who's gone before me, 

He will help me carry on.

After all that I've been through now I realize the truth.

That I must go through the valley

To stand upon the mountain of God.

As I travel on the road that You have led me down.

You are here with me. Yes, You are here with me.

I have need for nothing more, 

Oh, now that I have found

That You are here with me. Yes, You are here with me.

I confess from time to time I lose my way,

But You are always there to bring me back again.

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from

And the things I've left behind.

But of all I've had, what I possess,

Nothing can quite compare

With what's in front of me, with what's in front of me.

I thought that I was all alone, Broken and afraid.

But, You are here with me.  Yes, You are here with me.

Another song of encouragement and remembrance is:  "Joy In The Journey" by Michael Card:

There is a joy in the journey

There's a light we can love on the way. 

There is a wonder and wildness to life and freedom for those who obey

And all those who seek it shall find it

A pardon for all who believe.

Hope for the hopeless and sight for the blind.

To all who've been born in the Spirit

And who share incarnation with Him,

Who belong to eternity stranded in time and weary of struggling with sin.

Forget not the hope that's before you.

And never stop counting the cost.

Remember the hopelessness when you were lost.

There is a joy in the journey.

There's a light we can love on the way.

There is a wonder and wildness to life and freedom for those who obey

And freedom for those who obey...

Recommended reading: A Path Through Suffering, by Elisabeth Elliot 

Laterz,
~Starla