A New Beginning

From the poisoning of our trees,
by a man with a poisoned mind.

To the trail of mass destruction
that April’s Fury left behind.

Our Auburn family has pulled together
to face adversity head on.

And extended our hands to our brothers
so that healing can go on!

We have bid a farewell to familiar faces
and are anxious to meet the new...

Who will proudly wear the Jerseys
of Auburn's Fearless Orange and Blue!!

On Saturday, at Jordan-Hare
Another football season will begin.

Some things may be different,
But still, "All We Do Is Win!!!"

We are The National Champions!
We will put Utah's Big Blue in their place!

We are The Courageous Auburn Tigers!
And we are back in the race!!!

WAR EAGLE!!!

Poetic Tiger

September 3, 2011

 

Life in the Rearview

Whoever said that life isn't a bed of roses, lied. Life is exactly like a bed of roses: full of the beautiful fragrance and vibrant vitality of life, interwoven with the bittersweet memories of remembrance, and thorns along the way to remind us that we're "not all that" and it's not all about us. 

It's funny, (though 'funny' isn't the best word to use, I'm not sure how else to describe it), how God can take a horrendous, destructive act of nature, and even in the midst of suffering, pain, and the "OMG! What do I do now?" feelings and turn it into a blessing in disguise. Seriously. 

The tornadoes that ravaged my fair state for 24 hours on April 27th spawned more than death and destruction. In the aftermath, I've seen a community knit closer together; the spirit of charity and love rekindled; perfect strangers reaching out to help; pastors and youth ministers rolling up their sleeves and doing hard labor alongside the roughest beer-drinking rednecks you'll ever see (this IS Alabama!). I've seen churches being the hands and feet of Jesus, sheltering the now homeless, the orphaned, and providing for the broken and downhearted, ministering to their souls and restoring their spirit.

Following the poisoning of the oak trees at Toomer's Corner in Auburn by Harvey Updyke, an Alabama Crimson Tide fan, you'd think you'd never see the day when an Auburn fan would reach out to a *insert aghast stage whisper here* Bammer! Yet following the reports of the near annihilation of Tuscaloosa, and whadaya get? The Toomer's  For Tuscaloosa Facebook page mobilizing Auburn fans nationwide to help. And help we have! Miracles in shoe leather, a strong back, and a willingness to help. More than just willingness; it's more like a gut-wrenching need that you can't control. I know. I've felt it. 

The morning following, I was consumed by the feeling that I had to "do something!" I didn't know what.....just SOMETHING to help in any way I could! As a result, I've experienced a lot of "firsts," but I shall leave that for another day, as this post has taken on a life of it's own and is headed in a different direction than it's original intent....a result, not surprising, I suppose, considering the rambling way my mind diverges in the blink of an eye from one random thought to another.  But I digress. 

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Some people believe faith is a crutch for "weak, uneducated dumbasses" (new blog about this is in the works too!). Yet,  as a person of faith, I wonder how people "without faith" get thru tragedies of Biblical proportion such as this and retain their sanity? I use the term "without faith" loosely, because, in reality, everybody has faith; the only difference is the Object of our faith.

There were 47 tornadoes in Alabama on April 27, 2011, including 5 EF-3, 9 EF-4 and 1 EF-5.   To put it in perspective, if you add up the  lengths of all the tornadoes we had in Alabama on April 27th, we had 1165 MILES of damage....roughly the driving distance from Montgomery, Alabama to Toronto, Canada. (0_o)

I've seen, with my own eyes, the destruction from Sand Mountain, Shoal Creek, Ohatchee, and Eclectic. I recognized names on the list of those who had died, all the way from Pisgah, Bryant, and Flat Rock in northeast Alabama to Eclectic in south-central Alabama.  I can't speak for everyone, nor all communities, but this tragedy has made my community, my state, more of a family. The walls and barriers of race, religion, and even college football affiliation, have been breached as we have come together to recover from this disaster.

I broke down in tears at the Elementary school when I saw the black ribbons on the doors for the little girl who had been killed the night of the storm.  At the Middle School I sobbed during the Awards Ceremony as the husband of a science teacher sang "I Will Praise You In The Storm".   I cried with a friend of long years who had lost so much materially, but the Lord preserved her treasure in earthen vessels and her faith has kept her strong for her family. I saw this same tiny woman brave the hoards of FEMA and refuse government assistance, vehemently and loudly, to about 20 people, vocally proclaiming her faith as she continues to trust God for provision and direction.

I cried in thankfulness that my Mama was kept safe while the three houses next to hers were demolished. I have cried until I have no tears left....just dry wracking sobs shaking my body. I had a hard time, trying to wrap my mind around it all. Mentally trying to process and compartmentalize it  just seemed an overwhelming task. Unfathomable.

Now that I'm looking at the events of 27 April in the rearview,  I've come away with a stronger faith in God and an even deeper realization that God is good, all the time. While in the midst of terrible tragedy, He still blesses us above and beyond what we deserve. He reaches out to us through the words and actions of His people and He puts us in the lives of others who come alongside us in times of tragedy who may not know Him personally, to initiate a game of Divine Tag.  I WILL praise Him in the storms life hurls my way! To do less would be that of the most reprehensible ingratitude.. 

L8R Dayz,

Starr

Throw Momma From The Train

While waiting for Jacob to finish his All-star baseball practice today, I chose to chillax with a sweet tea at Mickey D's. I began reading an article in the local paper about people lining up for the 60 courtroom seats in the Casey Anthony trial. Puhleeze!!!

Somebody tell me what's wrong with THIS picture??? I mean, here are people who are coming out as early as 1 a.m. to get a place in line!!! I just don't see how making this tragedy a spectacle is beneficial to society AT ALL! A court spokeswoman actually said that they had considered lottery tickets! For real!!  (0_o) What's this world coming to?

First, this is a horrible incident. The life of a precious little girl was snuffed out by her no-account Mama. Yes, she's claiming it was an accidental drowning in the bath tub, but really....who believes that?  I don't. 

Secondly, there are grandparents and other family members to consider. Imagine with me, if you can, the horror they must feel KNOWING that their own child is capable of this kind of atrocious act. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I just cannot fathom, for the life of me, how a mother could be so selfish and self-absorbed, that she could, or would, take the life of her own child. As frustrating as motherhood and parenting can sometimes be, there are innumerable blessings that far outweigh the trials of parenthood.  I just don't know how one arrives at that decision.

Thirdly, I'm just gonna say it. Speak my mind loud and clear, as to why it is so seemingly easy for people such as Casey Anthony to kill her own child. Thank you, Rowe v. Wade! Is it surprising that more crimes against children have occurred since it's passage in 1973? If the life of a child is not valued while in the womb, is it any wonder that it's worthless after birth? Everyone is A-Ok with killing the most innocent victims. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions. Abortion is the ONLY "viable" choice for the pro-abortion crowd. The words "viable" and "abortion" should never be used in the same sentence. It is an oxymoron. Viable means "life" and abortion means "death." Abortion is cruel and inhumane on every visceral level.

In this case, I think it's time to Throw Momma From the Train!!! Casey Anthony deserves the death penalty, and nothing less. As for the would-be spectators, they should be ashamed of themselves for making this tragedy a public spectacle and courtroom circus!

Ah, well....that's my rant for the day. 

L8R Dayz, 

Starr

Jazz Fest 2011

Jazz Fest at The Amp is gonna be awesome!  Not only is the weather perfect......the breeze from the lake is balmy and scented with all of the decadent Southern aromas of magnolia, mimosa, gardenia, and honeysuckle.....the music is gonna be fine! Some of the featured blues/jazz musicians are: Randall Bramlett Band, Geoff Achison and the Souldiggers (from Austrailia), and JJ Grey and Mofro. The only band I've heard before is the Randall Bramlett Band. He was here a couple of years ago, when Joe Bonamassa was the headliner. 

I'm writing this while waiting for Jaala to get a funnel cake....and it's taking forever!  I'm also barefooted....yup, shoeless Starr, because the strap on my new white sandals (that I just bought this morning) broke within less than 5 minutes of being here. After all that harping by Jaala about me not wearing shoes that matched....and when I finally found a pair of white ones that I actually liked.....well, nuff said. 

The funniest thing, is that my Mama called me soon after Randall Bramlett came on to play. I kept telling her to hold on, I couldn't hear...and she hung up on me anyway. In a few seconds she called back. By that time I had walked far enough away from the music, so I could hear her. She asked me what "all that racket" was and then she  said she called to tell me that the Jazz Fest was this weekend and that I should go.  She had seen it advertised in a paper. When I told her that I was here and  it was why I couldn't hear her earlier, she laughed. :) So did I. 

Jaala Rose didn't think she'd see anyone she knew, but as soon as we got parked, she leaned over to whisper that the girl who'd just gotten out of another car was the most annoying girl at school. Then when we got in the shuttle to take us up to the Amp, the girl sat in the seat in front of us. I asked Jaala if that was the girl she had told me about, and she looked at me, and with pursed lips, shushed me...like she was the parent shushing a child who talks out loud about the fat lady at the grocery store or the kid picking his nose at Mickey D's! (0_o)

I've seen several people that I know, met some new people, and am thoroughly enjoying the blues music.  Jazz Fest has been an event, much like En Fuego, that I've come to enjoy and look forward to each year. I missed Jazz Fest last year because I was with my Mom, taking her to the doctor.  I've seen Joe Bonamassa, Susan Tedeschi, Derek Trucks, and the Zac Brown Band here at Jazz Fest.

Jaala Rose just now came out of the funnel cake line, so we're off to hear some sweet, summer blues music!

Later summer days,

Starr

Journey

 

Mom: First Day of Chemotherapy & Radiation

As many of you know, it's been awhile since I've posted on this blog page. The neglect has been, in part, due to the fact that I have been on a Journey with my Mom. A Journey Through Cancer. Cancer is such a debilitating and immoral disease. I say that because it's almost like a person (in this case, my Mom) loses her humanity and becomes a lab rat. Seriously. If there's anything I hate about what my Mom is enduring, it's the fact that she has become just another statistic in the health care system and is someone to be "experimented" on. I suppose that's why they call it "practicing" medicine?

Our journey began in October 2009 when a spot was found on Mom's right lung. On March 24, 2010 Mom saw the oncologist again, and on April 7th she had another PET scan. On April 21, 2010 Mom went for the follow-up visit and was told that she was not a candidate for chemo & radiation, and after being made to walk down a flight of stairs and up again (which she could not do since she also has COPD, is on oxygen, and also has a defib) she was told she was not a candidate for surgery to remove the STAGE 1 tumor on her lung. We (my brother, sister, and I) were all heartbroken at the news, as you can imagine.

You see, Mom has not smoked in 19 years. She was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma in 1992. My dad passed away in 1998, also a victim of lung cancer. However, dad smoked right up until the time of his death, never had COPD, and truly was the picture of health until the diagnosis, after which his health deteriorated rapidly and within just a few months, he died. This was not a journey I expected to travel with my Mom...considering that she has not smoked in 19 years. Life can become brutal within a matter of minutes, and your whole world can be knocked off of it's axis in mere seconds....the time it takes to draw a breath or blink an eye.

Now back to my Mom.....

In June 2010 the oncologist (Dr. Derek Holland, Memorial Hospital, Chattanooga, TN) suggested a procedure called RFA, which stands for Radio-Frequency Ablation, as the only viable option for treating Mom's cancer. It is a process where they use a needle to target the tumor with radiation....kind of like microwaving the cancer if you will. Mom complied and had the procedure done in July 2010. By the initial reports, we were told that the procedure was effective. I was with Mom when her doctor told her that it was successful. Less than two weeks later, on August 10th, Mom was admitted into the hospital where she stayed for 20 days and then another week at Siskin Rehab. Apparently the procedure was "overly" effective, as it had been so strong it had damaged some of the good lung tissue. The phrase used when we were told was that it had "burned a hole" in Mama's lung.

Fast forward to October 27, 2010: Mama got good news on her lung and thyroid. The tumor seemed to be smaller/better, and the thyroid was a non-issue...nothing wrong with Mom's thyroid. However, from the latest PET scan, it seems there is a lymph node in Mama's chest that may be affected and she would have to have another biopsy. The biopsy was scheduled for November, 22, 2010. Mama canceled the biopsy because that was the Monday before Thanksgiving and she wanted to "have Thanksgiving" with her family. The biopsy was rescheduled for December. It too was canceled due to inclement weather....snow, and travel down the mountain was impossible. The biopsy was rescheduled and canceled again, due to another winter storm, on January 10, 2011. Mom finally had the biopsy January 24th. After seeing the oncologist on February 24th, Mom got the results from the biopsy and the news was not good. The lung tumor was now a STAGE 3 and one lymph node (cluster) in her chest also had cancer cells. I was devastated. I was now faced with something that will forever change the world as I know it....a world without my Mother in it.

A Consuming Fire....

Those are the only words I can think of to describe the medical merry-go-round of chemotherapy and radiation that my Mom has been on since March. After being told that she was not a candidate for chemo & radiation, that is exactly the treatment that Mom has been subjected to for the past seven weeks.

Week 1: Mom had her first round of chemotherapy and radiation on March 7, 2011. Prior to administering the chemo, they gave her Benadryl. From what we were told, it's to preempt any allergic reactions that she may have to the chemotherapy. The Benadryl made Mom hyperactive....she couldn't sit still, rocked back and forth, scratched her legs and arms, and talked non-stop for the entire 3 hour process.

Mom: Cheetos & Sandwich for Lunch

Week 2:  Coincided with Spring Break, so Jacob, Jed, and Jaala Rose were with me when it came time for me to take Mom for chemo/radiation. Sophie, my Balinese cat, made the trip with us.  Mom had lost 2 pounds since last week.  On Moncay, March 14, 2011, at Mom's appointment with Dr. Holland, her oncologist, I mentioned to him that Mom had an adverse reaction to the Benadryl.  Dr. Holland then cut the Benadryl dose to half of what it had been the week before and prescribed Ataivan to relax her.  I didn't know it at the time, but My Mom + Ativan = Chaos!!! I am not entirely sure what happened exactly. I don't know if the dosage was too high or if my Mom is just super-sensitive to that type of drug, but the resultant behavior was scary to behold.  Mom was acting like she was sloshed. She couldn't walk. She would just stagger to the bathroom. She could not talk: her words were slurred and incomprehensible. She kept wanting to get up from the chemo chair to go get in her bed. There was no bed and we were not at home.  She didn't remember me from one minute to the next. She had no recollection of Jacob, Jed, or Jaala Rose sitting with her 30 minutes at a time. She didn't remember eating her food AND my food. Later, when I teased her about eating my St. Paddy's Day cookie, she accused me of lying about it, even though Jaala witnessed the even. A nurse even came by and scolded Mom to stop eating and to go to sleep. It was a scary day! I've never seen my Mom in such a way. I called the doctor and talked to his nurse. I was then told that Mom had been given  "DOUBLE DOSE" of Ativan. The only conclusion I can come to about this is that two separate nurses had put the Ativan into her IV. This has to be, to date, one of the MOST stressful days of my entire life!!! Not to say it didn't have it's own peculiar blessings, because it did. The Westside Baptist Church in Chattanooga provided sandwiches, chips/cheetos, cookies, and bottled water for all of the cancer patients and their families.  It was such a relief to know that I didn't have to leave my Mom to go and get food for her, the kids, or myself.  I was profoundly thankful to that body of believers who put "unto the least of these" into practice.  On Thursday, Dr. Rice, the radiologist, prescribed a Zpak for Mom. She had a low-grade fever and was coughing up a lot of phlegm. On Friday, Mom and I took the kids to eat at Bea's Restaurant. They were at first amazed at the huge lazy Susan and the huge array of food, but then they loved it.  Mom wasn't feeling well, but she was a trooper!

 

Mom at Bea's Restaurant  

 

 

 

 

 

Week 3: My brother, Kevin, took Mom for chemo & radiation. After talking to the doctor, it was decided to just give Mom the half dose of Benadryl. No Ativan. Since then, she has been almost normal during chemo & radiation. She still has moments where she seems to be forgetful, but for the most part, she seems to be sound of mind. Dr. Holland put Mom on a stronger antibiotic, Levaquin, for 5 days. Her co-pay was $60 for this medication. Unreal!Week 4: Mom began losing her hair, though it is minimal at this point. She had gained back her 2 pounds. I think it's all of the Waffle House and Huddle House food she and Kevin eat when he takes her to the doctor.

Mom: Losing her hair & Ringing The Bell

Week 5: Kevin took Mom this week, April 4 - 9, without any complications. Mom seems to be feeling better. Or she's just faking it. I don't know. Kevin took Mom to the Mary Ellen Locher Breast Cancer and she picked out a wig. He said she wanted one that was multi-colored brown with red in it, but he had her pick out one that looked the most like her own hair. I laughed, but I told him he should have let Mom get the one she wanted....that she'd probably been a wanna-be-red-head her whole life and what better time to wear a red wig and get away with it! :) It's not about him; it's about Mama! He told me he should have let me take her, and I agree....he should have!  

Week 6: My turn again; this time without the kids. They are back in school and I couldn't, in good conscience, take them out for a whole week. Sophie, once again, made the trip with me. On Monday when Mom had the lab work done, her blood count was low and she had lost 2 pounds again. She weighed 148.4. We had to wait an hour before they started the chemo. This was the absolute longest day ever! We were both exhausted by the time we got home. There were just a few instances where Mom didn't know me or didn't recognize me until she was right up on me. She didn't recognize me when she came out of the bathroom, even though I was sitting right by her chemo chair....right where I'd been when she got up to go potty. She also seems disoriented when we go into the hospital; she doesn't seem to know where she is supposed to go.

 

Mom with Me at Roy's Grill, Rossville, Blvd, Chattanooga, TN

On Tuesday, after Mom had radiation, we had a couple of hours to burn until her appointment with Dr. Sowell, her primary care physician. Mom wanted to eat lunch at Bea's Restaurant, so I drove down Dodd's Avenue only to discover that Bea's is not open on Monday & Tuesday! I drove to Rossville Boulevard and Mom pointed out a retro-50's diner called Roy's Grill. She told me that when she was a young woman living in Chattanooga back in the 50's that she caught the bus at the corner and that she had eaten supper at Roy's Grill every evening. So, we decided to eat there.  It was like walking back in time to the 50's. Everything was still in that 50's decor! I loved it! Both of us ordered a BLT with homemade potato chips. We shared a slice of chocolate pie, and it was not as good as the ones my Mama made, primarily because they served it with cool whip instead of meringue! While we were eating, a random guy came in, sidled up to the bar, and sat on the stool next to Mama....and the next thing I know, he's eating her potato chips and sharing his onion rings with her.  I lie not. Now I know who it is I get the "food-sharing" from. His name was Bill. My Mom never meets a stranger. 

Mom and her cat Lucy, aka Lucyfurr

Wednesday, after radiation, we drove home because the nurse was coming and Lucy (Mom's Siamese cat from hell) had an appointment at the vet. Mom went with me to take Lucy & Sophie. Lucy had to get her rabies shot and her "devil claws" trimmed. Sophie just had a nail trim. Lucy hates Sophie with a feline passion. I'm sure it's because she's used to being an only cat. Sophie is the best kitty ever. She just stays in the bedroom with me and ignores Lucy the best she can. Of course, I suppose it helps that she's mostly blind, but she never sees Lucy coming, which, in my opinion is a bad thing.

Thursday, Mom and I finally made it to Bea's. Mom ate like a little piggy! She had 4 ribs, a piece of chicken, new potatoes, cole slaw, potato salad, and two helpings of turnip greens....and two helpings of peach cobbler. The only thing Mama didn't eat was the bbq! Needless to say, we both went into a food coma when we got home!

Mama's Triple Scoop Lemon Custard Ice Cream at Mr. T's, Tiftonia, GA

Friday, Mom decided she wanted ice cream. After radiation I drove to St. Elmo's to Mr. T's....a little pizza and ice cream parlor at the foot of Lookout Mountain. It's the ONLY place to find Mom's favorite flavor of ice cream - Lemon Custard! I helped Mom to a table inside and then got in line to order our ice cream. As usual while standing in line, I begin a conversation with the lady in front of me. Turned out that she was there with a group from a Christian school in Chickamauga. After hearing that Mom had just come from treatment, she and the other moms there, allowed me to move ahead in line. She told me that they had "one" there that each of them had carried to treatment. She was speaking of one of the moms present, who was wearing a pink ball cap, and whose hair was just the lightest of fuzz on her head. I thanked them all and told them what a blessing it was to just randomly meet people who went out of their way to be kind. I ordered Mom's double dip Lemon Custard ice cream in a regular cone; I got the same thing in a waffle cone...but Mom's cone was twice the size of mine! She ate the whole thing! And then wanted pizza! So I had to order us a small pizza AFTER eating the ice cream! :) We left Mr' T's just as it began raining and drove through the historical scenic district of St. Elmo. Mom told me that she had lived there "back in the day" on Tennessee Avenue. She didn't remember the exact house; only that it was "on the right," and I didn't drive down the entire length of the street. Mom was ready to go home. We drove over the foot of Lookout Mountain and caught I-24 at Tiftonia....by then it was pouring rain! The terrible storms were coming in with a vengeance! When it was all said and done there were about 242 tornadoes (35 in Alabama and 62 in North Carolina alone!) ranging from Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, and North Carolina, killing over two dozen people. So sad!

Mama ate the ENTIRE Ice Cream Cone!

Saturday: I had to get back home in time to take Jed to his ball game. I am always sad when I leave my Mom; I always wonder if it will be the last time I see her, and I always pray that it isn't. She told me that she would miss me; I told her that my brother and sister would be there tomorrow....and she told me it wasn't the same....then she paused and said, "You'll be here with me next week." I looked at her quizzically....and reminded Mom that my brother and sister would be here. She said, "Yes, but I'll call her Starla the whole time she's here." Now what do you do with that? I just laughed!

Week 7: April 18-22. Mom finishes up her chemotherapy and radiation this week. Mom got her "crown" with pink sequins on Monday, and will ring the bell on Thursday after her final radiation treatment. In 6 weeks she will have another PET scan that will, hopefully, tell us that the treatment has been successful.

Mom in her Pink Crown!

Please remember my Mom in prayer; her name is Dora.

~Starla

***UPDATE: Mom's treatment was effective. She is now in remission and "cancer free." Her hair is beginning to come back and it's the strangest thing. Mom's hair (see first picture) was a black and straight as could be prior to the chemo/radiation. Afterwards it turned as gray as could be. All of the black hair fell out, leaving little wisps of gray on her scalp. You can see the color difference in the picture where she is ringing the bell. Now that her hair is coming back, it is still black, but it is curly!!! It looks like she's gotten a perm!!! When I find the picture of her pulling at her curls, I'll upload it after this so you can see the difference. It is so pretty! Mom still does not have a lot of gray hair. I hope that is one trait I share with my Mom too.

Why Men Prefer Dogs

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

All in fun, so I hope my manly men readers will not be offended!  

Later dayz, 
 ~Starr stuff

Men 101

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

4. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

5. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

8. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

9. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

10. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

11. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

12. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
checkbooks.

13. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes…it means that you laugh at him.

14. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Mea Culpa (My Mistake)

"Words once spoken can never be retracted,
Missives once sent cannot be redacted,
Hearts once broken will never be whole,
And faith once lost is rarely restored." ~moi

I have always believed that all love that is real is true. Then I discovered, albeit the hard way, that “love” has as many different meanings to just as many different people. I once read that love is just a word until you find someone to give it definition. So, based on some people their "love" is neither true, nor real.

The object of "being in a relationship" is to show the people you love that you do love them. Even cretins (an obtuse, mentally defective person) make some effort on behalf of the one whom they profess to love, yet some people are obviously lower on the evolutionary emotional scale than a cretin.

The icing on the cake, the fait accompli, the mea culpa....ever the romantic soul that I am, I chose to give the debased cretin (lower than your average cretin) the benefit of the doubt. In return I learned very much the hard way that What You Don't Know Will Hurt You....but NOT until You DISCOVER what it is. To say I feel like a complete idiot is an understatement of egregious proportion.

Reality check:

• loving someone doesn’t make them do right, treat you right, nor does it make them a better person; to quote a Jack Johnson lyric, "loving someone don't make them love you..."
  
  
• although I feel like an idiot now, I must always be true to myself. Always.
  
  
• you never get a second chance to do it right the first time.
  
  
• second chances are simply mistakes you keep repeating.
  
  
• I suppose I need a t-shirt or coffee mug that reads "I ♥ Cretins!" or "Jerk Magnet" since it seems to be my modus vivendi (way of life...sad, but true).
  
  
• if loving someone was easy, would it be as highly valued?
  
  
• faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
  
  
• love is whatever you can still betray; betrayal can only happen if you love.
  
  
• the wounds of a lover are worse than the wounds of an enemy; you expect to be wounded by your enemy.
  
  
• forgiveness is the fragrance a rose sheds on the heel that has crushed it; the final form of love. Francoi de La Rochefoucauld writes, "One forgives to the degree that one loves."
  
  
• being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.
  
  
• what you don't know will hurt you...but not until you discover what it is; ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is ignorance, often painful and sometimes lethal in large doses.
  
  
• sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you're worthy of the trip.
  
  
• if life and loving was easy...where would all the adventures be?
  
  
• believing is not about seeing, and faith is not about reaching, and on this journey I keep learning that flying is not about wings.~downhere

Laterz,
~Starla