Milestones
As a parent I watch my children grow and rejoice at the many milestones achieved in the pursuit of “growing up.” When my children were young I always felt like there were four major milestones they had to achieve and then it would be smooth sailing from then on: weaning from breastfeeding, potty training, learning to tie their shoes, and learning to ride a bicycle. For most of my parenting years I’ve stuck by that mantra and celebrated when I no longer needed breast pumps, diaper bags, velcro tab tennis shoes, and strollers to get from point A to point B.
Then the unthinkable happened! They became teenagers and the milestones changed dramatically! All at once I was entering into the Twilight Zone of Teenagers. When kids enter into the chrysalis of the teenage years, life becomes Aliens vs. Monsters. Children are like alien beings from another planet and I became a Monster with unreasonable demands on how they spend their time, who they spend that time with, how they spend their money, etc., etc., ad nauseam.
The metamorphosis from child into adult lasts for more years than that of toddler to teenager. I was told by a counselor for my children that a teenager’s brain doesn’t reach full maturity, with adult inductive and deductive reasoning ability (common sense in my humble opinion) until they reach the grand old age of 25. So the journey from teen to adult is a 12 year process, whereas the journey from child to teen is half that amount of time.
Believe me when I tell you that the milestones of parenting a teenager into adulthood far and away surpass any milestone from birth to teenager! The milestones during this time either become stepping stones or stumbling blocks with many being life-threatening. I’ll classify the milestones of parenting a teenager into the following: learning to drive a car, the art of dating, getting a job, and balancing a checkbook.
This period of time is the only time you actually risk life and limb teaching someone without an adult brain to drive a potentially lethal weapon. The process is terrifying! I do not recommend this to those weak of heart or without strength of mind and nerves of steel. It’s grueling!
The next parental milestone is that of the first girlfriend/boyfriend, wrapped and tied with the bow of subsequent teenage drama that ensues and rules life while hormones rage. As a parent I hop on this wild ride and battle this beast, reins firmly in hand, yelling “Whoa!” at the top of my lungs. Sometimes they actually listen.
When kids get their first job, watch out! They become empowered, or so they think. More importantly, so THEY think YOU should think! They are SOMEBODY then, with their own click of friends and inner circle and sanctum that, as a parent, I’m no longer part of. For the most part I just go with the flow until I see warning signs of danger on the horizon and realize that bad company, does indeed, corrupt good morals. You can pretty much write this in stone, as God did when he gave the tablets to Moses: it doesn’t matter how you raise your kids, when they turn 18 they are going to do what they choose to do. As a parent I hope and pray they live through the metamorphosis and emerge as productive adults on the other side. Aunt Janie always said that teenagers needed to be put on ice until they reach adulthood. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. Furthermore, Aunt Janie’s dad, David Barrentine, an old Baptist preacher, once told me when I was expecting Jericho, that, “Children are born to break our hearts.” How prophetically true that turned out to be! Who’d a thunk it?
Balancing a checkbook and subsequently paying bills on time is the last milestone. I may revise this at a later date, but these are the four major parental milestones that I’ve had to deal with thus far. Balancing a checkbook goes hand-in-hand with the previous milestone of getting a job. Enter now the word RESPONSIBILITY into the vocabulary of a creature who has here-to-fore never been responsible for anything other than homework, brushing teeth twice a day, playing the next Xbox 360 game, and keeping up with their many social networks such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or viral video on YouTube.
Oh! The growing pains! Balancing a checkbook and being fiscally responsible is by far the worst of these parental milestones, and perhaps the most costly as a parent. To cultivate a good work ethic in ones progeny is the least worrisome. It is after they learn that they now have their OWN money that it becomes a full-fledged migraine! First, get a job. Second, get a car. To have a car you MUST pay for the insurance on said means of transportation. In order to pay your bills on time, you MUST have a checking account. Especially if your employer insists on direct depositing your paycheck. Sounds easy, right??? Wrong! Nothing could possibly be further from the truth!
Case in point: prospective adult, i.e. oldest egg hatched, works two jobs. Her only financial responsibilities are paying for her car insurance, her gas to and from work, and her own personal clothing, shoes, toiletries, etc. She gets overdrawn at her financial institution. She knows it; I know it. I tell her not to use her debit card until her next paycheck is deposited and we can check to make sure that it covers the overdraft. Fat chance of that happening! Oh, don’t get me wrong, her check was deposited into the account, but she hadn’t worked as many hours as the previous two weeks and even with her check, it still left her overdrawn $18.
So here I am, “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing,” to coin a Jack Johnson song, and I begin reading her tweets for the day: “Pride smashin on some burrito goodness and sweet tea @ Cuco’s, @ the mall shopping...nothing better than sweet hang time with matching Venia hoodies, Hot Topic has Charlie the Unicorn fragrance now, on my way to CEC event. This is gonna rule! That doughnut was amazing!”....etc. You get the picture?
The scoop: her check went into the bank and she goes on a shopping spree, eating out, and hanging with friends at a concert that night. Account still overdrawn, and she accumulates another $91 in expenditures that will further overdraw the account.
Her reply: “Don’t like. Don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
So what is a parent to do? I gave her a time frame in which she could accept my proposal and agree to the conditions, and she has ignored it completely. Do I just assume that “no answer is your answer” and let her deal with the consequences, or do I bail her out this one time only?
The agonizing conundrum of parenthood: do I allow her to face the consequences of her actions knowing how this is going to hurt her banking and credit report, or do I step in and help her even when she has blatantly refused to agree to curtail her activities for the next two weeks? It is enough to make me want to pull my hair out by the roots! Sometimes the school of hard knocks is what it takes to knock sense into the senselessness of irresponsibility. I’ve always been an advocate of “suffering the consequences” and the principle of “reaping and sowing” and allowing life to teach you that life’s not fair; it’s hard, and you have to be as hard as nails to live through it. I agree with John Wayne, who said, “Life’s tough; but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.”
Later dayz,
Starr
6 February 2010
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment